Reflection

Maggie went to bed unusually early for her:  6:30 p.m.  That used to be normal, but since Summer she has been staying up till about 8:30.  She was REALLY sleepy, so I'm glad she is getting some good rest.  She's got some molars coming in that are giving her fits, poor baby!  A combo of Tylenol and teething tablets have been my best friend!  Speaking of Maggie, I haven't even shared that she is WALKING!  She looks so little to be toddling around.  Every once in a while she will fall, and then crawl the rest of the way, but she is definitely more mobile on her feet these days.  It was almost exactly to the day she turned 13 months.  My baby is growing up so fast!  It is bittersweet, because I loved the baby days.  But those days were so much harder for me, because she cried a lot, and nursed a lot, and was generally not really content.  Now she is happy most of the time and so much more interactive.  Some things are easier, some things are harder now that she is older.  I think that is how it goes as a parent.  I am striving to enjoy every stage in it's moment.  I already see how fast a year has gone! 

I am finding it hard to catch my breath here lately.  Do you know that feeling?  Maybe it's the heat.  Sometimes my body does this during a big change, like moving.  It's funny, because it always catches up with me months later.  I remember when I quit nursing school and moved back home.  I had to move out of my dorm, into my parent's home, and decide what I wanted to do with my life since I decided not to be a nurse (which until that point, was all I ever wanted to be.)  I remember laying in bed and worrying that I still had to study for a test, and feeling this ton of bricks on my chest, like I couldn't take a deep breath no matter how hard I tried.  That's how I feel now.  It could be all the change, like our house selling so quickly, having to be out of it so quickly, and into an apartment.  I also keep thinking it could be because we are just not sure where we are wanting to go or how long we are going to be in our apartment.  I am such a planner by nature, that I want to know what we are doing when.   I am content in doing whatever, I just tend to want to KNOW what we are doing so I can prepare myself.  It is funny how much comfort I can find in my own plans.  If I tell myself that certain plans will happen, then I breathe easy and relax.  But that is all that it is.  MY PLANS.  How many times do I make  plans, only for them to fall by the wayside.  I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and how I need not comfort myself in my own plan-making abilities.  Rather, I need to just relax anyway, knowing that my life is in God's hands.  He knows where we need to be.  And obviously we are here for a reason.  Otherwise we wouldn't be here.  I think we all need to be reminded of that sometimes.